Lately....

Not this past Saturday but the Saturday before I was diagnosed with a small subchorionic hemorrhage.  When I went this past Friday to see the midwife again this area of bleeding in my uterus had more than doubled in size.  If it continues to grow it could cause me to miscarry our baby.  All I can do is pray and rest. I also had to stop nursing Benjamin because it causes uterine contractions which could increase the bleeding.  This has all been very very hard, unlike anything we've ever dealt with.  We've had three miscarriages but they have all been sudden.  This time, a miscarriage isn't for certain and we have to wait and see.  

So much for me taking lots of trip to get through the all-day sickness that goes along with the first trimester of my pregnancies!  I'm homebound and fighting depression.  I realize through this what a busy body I am, and that I get so much of my satisfaction in life through accomplishing things and going places.  I am always torn between spending quality time just enjoying my children and "getting things done."  I can absolutely see the blessings already that God is giving us through this trial.  I am just enjoying my children, watching them, reading to them, interacting with them so much more.  I cherish my children so so much.  They are beautiful and precious and such a gift, each one of them.  I'm so thankful for them and I don't begin to think I deserve any one of them, much less the one in my womb.  May God's will be done!

Here are some pictures from the past week....

The boys favorite past time....  sliding down the stairs in slippery sleeping bags!  That's almost a tongue twister!

I just took this picture of Steve outside still trying to work on getting things done around the house (this time the tree house!) even with all the kids.  Pretty much when he gets off work and even sometimes when he is working, he takes care of the kids now.  He knows I have to rest and has been great about making that possible.  He is amazing!  

Do you see my little Benjamin?  He is wearing those soft little leather shoes, they are the only ones he tolerates, and pants so he doesn't feel the different textures outside on his skin.  He can't stand the feel of grass or wood chips, etc.  He is growing up.  I'm so so so sad to wean him!  He still loves to nurse and I've been nursing him to sleep for his whole life up until now!  Today was the first time that I was able to put him to sleep without the aid of the car or nursing.  He fought being rocked so I ended up just putting him in his crib.  I went out and let him cry for about 5 minutes and then went back in and picked him up.  He let me rock him to sleep this time without fighting.  I guess he realized it was better than the alternative!  He has been really really fussy lately, just recovering from an ear infection and cutting one of his molars.  I think he knows something is different with mommy and he is obviously adjusting to not being able to nurse anymore, so it is a hard time for him.  I love him so much and I'm so thankful to have him.

Here's my spot on the couch with the book I plan to read next.  I just finished my favorite book, it is an autobiography by an American Indian named Crying Wind.  You can order a used copy here.  She also has a sequel called My Searching Heart that I loaned out but will read again when I get it back!  It was fun reading a book I love that I've not read in a long long time so I had essentially forgotten it.  

This is the room right off of our garage.  We just recently added some more of the spoke shelf things and the bill board.  It is nice to have organizational tools to help manage all our stuff!

Well back to the couch.  Thank you all for praying for us and the baby!