Monday, February 09, 2015

Jacob and thoughts

He is walking everywhere sweet.  He's so confident.  Except when I put shoes on him that are 1 size too big...and then he is awkward and has a hard time.  I try not to to do that often :)  But we do struggle with shoes around here.  It's hard to find the right size, two of the same, ones that don't have dog poo on them, that sort of thing.

Here he fell.  Didn't cry.  He sure is tough.  I feel terrible for him often because his big brothers hurt him at least 2 or 3 times a day.  I wish I could prevent it--but it will happen before I can stop them.  And when I see big brothers---not his three oldest brothers...its our 3 and 5 year old.  They are just rough!  This kid will not be able to help being tough!

He is so, so sweet.  He likes to be held a lot.  Especially when he is sick.  But then when he is well he does like to explore the downstairs and he especially likes playing with the tupperware or pots and pans.  I'm still nursing him 4 times a day.  He doesn't seem in a hurry to wean and I'm not either, seeing as he will be our last.  (sadness!)  He said uh-oh the other day...guess we could say that was his first word!  He is very ticklish.  He loves his baby-sitter Florence.  He is just precious in every way.  I love cuddling him, holding him close, rubbing his sweet soft head.  I'm so blessed!

He's 13 months now.  And I find myself feeling sad, because I can hardly remember at all his little baby times.  Just very barely.  And I look at him now and I know he is going to change and grow and these sweet sweet times I won't remember either.  Why does life have to change always?  I went to a funeral today.  It was a man that I met at the fabric store several years ago with his sweet wife and brain injured son.  They became fast friends.  We didn't see them often, but he was always the encourager on my facebook posts, liking each one and always had something nice to say.  He was just one of those people that lifted your spirits.  Just a few words, and always a smile would rise.  And he isn't here anymore.  And I don't like it.
And my baby Isaac isn't here anymore, nor babies Micah, Andrew, Benjamin, Samuel.... and Jacob is fastly growing up.  And I struggle with that.
What am I holding on to anyway?  This world?  This life?  Why?  I must not realize how very bad it is, and how very good it is for each of us to grow closer to the next life, and for my friend to be there now.

And here I find myself with "let it go" running through my head---that song---that movie---it was good (but I've only seen it once for those of you who say noooooo more Frozen! hehehehe).  And here applicable.  Let it go.  Let it go!  You can't hold it back anyway----it's impossible.  And I want each of my boys to go and grow and become men, and bless the world---I want them to go North, South, East and West....spreading the fragrance of Jesus and of life and light everywhere they go.  And I want us to all grow closer to Heaven together---making that our goal, destination, and focus of life.  Not this, not now, not here, not babies, not sticking around, not staying the same, but Heaven.

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