Benjamin...

Is almost one.

And he is still nursing.  At least seven times a day.  And one of those times is in the middle of the night.  I'm so thankful to still be able to nurse him because with my first two children my milk dried up at 3 1/2 months, but this middle of the night thing....when is it going to stop?

I've never had a baby this old not sleep through the night.  I don't think I have the heart to make him cry it out, even if it will be for only a few nights.

He has been a hard baby.  Really hard.  Maybe he isn't that hard in reality but to me he is.  Fourth baby.  Difficult adjustment.  Do I still want more?  Yes.  It seems crazy, but yes.  I may be rethinking the way I mother my babies though.  I'm not sure if I can be a good mom to all my kids and have a baby that isn't on any sort of schedule.  On one hand I need my babies to be flexible, but on the other hand, I think I need them to be on a predictable schedule more, not to mention sleeping through the night.

I scheduled Micah, very gently.  He learned to go to sleep on his own, but I never let him cry it out.  I would rock him until he was almost asleep and them put him down.  I didn't nurse him to sleep.  That is something that I would like to avoid next time.  It's so natural though and so hard not to do because they eat and sleep soooo much in the beginning.

Guess we'll just cross that bridge if and when we get there.  For now, I've got to get to bed because I'm going to be up nursing before too long.  :)  One day he'll be grown.  One day he'll be grown.  One day he'll be grown.  (And I'll look back on these days and wish I could go back)