Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Giving up Mercy...

I'm in Virginia right now sitting in a hotel bed surrounded by sleeping children, listening to the hum of cars speeding by on the freeway.  I drove over 9 hours to bring my sister Mercy.  Go back and read her comments that she wrote to my posts about getting Mercy.  I think she wanted her all along!  

I feel like death about it really.  But I keep telling myself that I'll only feel this way for a few days, a week maybe.  

I guess I've never picked out a puppy from a litter and had one bond to me like Mercy has.  She follows me around everywhere and I love her.  I'm thinking back to late nights in the yard running around with her chasing my at my heels.  (tears are streaming right now)  I hate this.  So why am I giving her up?

My husbands comment that all I had done was complain since we got her was a wake up call for me.  He was right.  While I enjoyed her from time to time each day, the rest of the time I felt over stressed and had a constant sense of urgency that Mercy needed to go out, or what was she doing, etc.  I guess I felt a lot of anxiety over her.  If she was in her crate I felt guilty, if she wasn't in her crate I felt like I wasn't getting done the things done that needed to get done.  

Part of me is saying why couldn't I have just chilled out?  I'm so type A.  I like things clean, neat and orderly.  Mercy had me doing horrible things like going to the park more often and spending time in our back yard way more than I used to.  Heck!  I was sitting out with my kids in the woods!  I had never done that before!  

Okay, she is just a dog.  I am going to get over this and it is the right decision.  We went back and forth, back and forth.  I have no choice but to stick to this decision.  She is my sister's and her kids now.  She isn't ours anymore.

For me, to be a good mom and wife, I don't need a puppy right now.  I believe I made the right decision.  Hopefully I won't cry too long tonight.  It feels like she is my baby and I'm giving her up.  Is this normal?

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