An uncommon evening...

from my journal...approximently 3:30 pm, Sunday afternoon

..."Lord, I pray for this evening.  May it be uncommon and full of grace.
                                                                    In Jesus Name, Amen."

knock...knock...

Oh, hello, come on in

It's so good to see you

Haven't seen you for a while

Sit down

Make your self at home

Yes, tell me...

I'm listening

young lady
12 years old

sitting on my couch

pouring out your heart

sharing with me

this privilege of mine

I will come,

yes, I'll leave dishes

Bedtime will be late

yes, I'll come

into your home

into your life

I will share me

with you

...........

knock...knock

It's so good to see you!

haven't seen you for a while

oh, this is your father
young girl's grandfather
so strong she said
so good

85 years old

paces, paces

around and around

angry

happy

doesn't remember you?

alzheimers, oh

must be so hard

old man, I see you

I know you see me

you see my little one

your eyes light up

I will bring him to you

yes, touch him

you want to hold him

yes, I will hold him with you

your hands touching

my hands

we both adore little one

you kiss him

you kiss him again

joy

pure joy

goodbye now

little ones fussing

so good to see you

this wasn't so hard

must leave my walls again

must see you again

for joy

pure joy

to live in fellowship

with you

my

neighbor

So often I want to move away from this neighborhood, these neighbors, and live on acres and acres of land with animals and nature all around.  Yet, here.  Here is where God has me.  Here is where he brings me Nigerians, Hatians and the girls down the street.  Here is where the children come to play.  Here is where I can open the door, again and again and say welcome.  Here is where the children can come and talk to me and I with them.

Today I made myself sit down and study God's word and pray.  I'm starving for dedicated, unharried time in God's word.  I get snippets here and there, but I've not been disciplined to sit down in the prime time of my day, and eat...eat the Word of God that I'm literally starving for.  I have called out to God, "I'm like a ship in a storm with  no anchor!"  I'm tossed to and fro by the waves of my emotions.  I'm confused, I feel lost.  I'm walking in circles.  Somewhat like the precious old grandfather I met today. 

I felt so tired this afternoon.  I craved to just go crawl in bed while the babies took their naps.  By the grace of God, I said, NO.  If I don't go now, there will never be a good time.  There will always be a reason not to read God's word.  I walked downstairs, gathered up several Bible commentaries, carried them up to my new desk (I love it...it is over 100 years old, belonged to Steve's great-grandfather), and prayed.  Prayed that God would bless the time, lead it, direct it in his paths.  I arbitrarily chose to study 1 Corinthians and I just began to read.  I realize that sometimes, feeling like I need to know exactly what God "wants me to study" keeps me from reading the Bible at all.  Feeling like I need to have a direct revelation from God, or some mountain top moment with Scripture sets the bar so high that I come away after just a few minutes feeling empty.  Isn't that silly? 

I read 1 Corinthians chapter 1.  There was no mountain top moment.  Or maybe there was.  Just wasn't what I was expecting.  It wasn't all about me.  Here's my notes:

Paul-was a student of the pharisee, Gamaliel

Paul-had all the brilliance of a classical Greek scholar-yet-he put that all aside to preach plainly-Christ crucified

-all who would be saved must

Repent of their sins

Believe in him

Submit to his gov't and laws

Jews-Jesus was a stumbling block because they expected a great prince

they saw him as execrable-very bad-wretched.

Jesus was condemned as a malefactor-one who commits a crime.  He died an opprobrious death-a distraceful and shameful death.

So that's it.  I came away thinking about the simlicity of the gospel.  Yet, in it's simpicity, it saves.  Not what most were expecting.  Jesus' life and death was a stumbling block for many.  God's wisdom seems like foolishness to the world.  Yet it is life to those who are being saved.  So thankful I'm God's.  So thankful for time in his word.

All of life's questions weren't answered in that 45 minutes.  I didn't hear God's voice audibly.  I didn't pray for every issue in my life.  Yet, I walked away with an inner strength.  I walked away on solid ground.  Mentally, emotionally.  And my few minutes of prayer, God heard.  A neighbor knocked.  I welcomed.  I went.  I was blessed.  Somehow they were too.  God uses the weak. 

 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9