Sunday, September 04, 2011

An uncommon evening...

from my journal...approximently 3:30 pm, Sunday afternoon

..."Lord, I pray for this evening.  May it be uncommon and full of grace.
                                                                    In Jesus Name, Amen."

Oh, hello, come on in
It's so good to see you
Haven't seen you for a while
Sit down
Make your self at home
Yes, tell me...
I'm listening

young lady
12 years old
sitting on my couch
pouring out your heart
sharing with me
this privilege of mine

I will come,
yes, I'll leave dishes
Bedtime will be late
yes, I'll come
into your home
into your life
I will share me
with you


It's so good to see you!
haven't seen you for a while
oh, this is your father
young girl's grandfather
so strong she said
so good
85 years old
paces, paces
around and around
doesn't remember you?
alzheimers, oh
must be so hard

old man, I see you
I know you see me
you see my little one
your eyes light up
I will bring him to you
yes, touch him
you want to hold him
yes, I will hold him with you
your hands touching
my hands
we both adore little one
you kiss him
you kiss him again
pure joy

goodbye now
little ones fussing
so good to see you
this wasn't so hard
must leave my walls again
must see you again
for joy
pure joy
to live in fellowship
with you

So often I want to move away from this neighborhood, these neighbors, and live on acres and acres of land with animals and nature all around.  Yet, here.  Here is where God has me.  Here is where he brings me Nigerians, Hatians and the girls down the street.  Here is where the children come to play.  Here is where I can open the door, again and again and say welcome.  Here is where the children can come and talk to me and I with them.

Today I made myself sit down and study God's word and pray.  I'm starving for dedicated, unharried time in God's word.  I get snippets here and there, but I've not been disciplined to sit down in the prime time of my day, and the Word of God that I'm literally starving for.  I have called out to God, "I'm like a ship in a storm with  no anchor!"  I'm tossed to and fro by the waves of my emotions.  I'm confused, I feel lost.  I'm walking in circles.  Somewhat like the precious old grandfather I met today. 

I felt so tired this afternoon.  I craved to just go crawl in bed while the babies took their naps.  By the grace of God, I said, NO.  If I don't go now, there will never be a good time.  There will always be a reason not to read God's word.  I walked downstairs, gathered up several Bible commentaries, carried them up to my new desk (I love is over 100 years old, belonged to Steve's great-grandfather), and prayed.  Prayed that God would bless the time, lead it, direct it in his paths.  I arbitrarily chose to study 1 Corinthians and I just began to read.  I realize that sometimes, feeling like I need to know exactly what God "wants me to study" keeps me from reading the Bible at all.  Feeling like I need to have a direct revelation from God, or some mountain top moment with Scripture sets the bar so high that I come away after just a few minutes feeling empty.  Isn't that silly? 

I read 1 Corinthians chapter 1.  There was no mountain top moment.  Or maybe there was.  Just wasn't what I was expecting.  It wasn't all about me.  Here's my notes:

Paul-was a student of the pharisee, Gamaliel

Paul-had all the brilliance of a classical Greek scholar-yet-he put that all aside to preach plainly-Christ crucified

-all who would be saved must

Repent of their sins
Believe in him
Submit to his gov't and laws

Jews-Jesus was a stumbling block because they expected a great prince
they saw him as execrable-very bad-wretched.

Jesus was condemned as a malefactor-one who commits a crime.  He died an opprobrious death-a distraceful and shameful death.

So that's it.  I came away thinking about the simlicity of the gospel.  Yet, in it's simpicity, it saves.  Not what most were expecting.  Jesus' life and death was a stumbling block for many.  God's wisdom seems like foolishness to the world.  Yet it is life to those who are being saved.  So thankful I'm God's.  So thankful for time in his word.

All of life's questions weren't answered in that 45 minutes.  I didn't hear God's voice audibly.  I didn't pray for every issue in my life.  Yet, I walked away with an inner strength.  I walked away on solid ground.  Mentally, emotionally.  And my few minutes of prayer, God heard.  A neighbor knocked.  I welcomed.  I went.  I was blessed.  Somehow they were too.  God uses the weak. 

 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

1 comment:

Becky Price said...

WOW. So challenging. Thanks for your transparency.