"Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
— C.S. Lewis
— C.S. Lewis
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9
"God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way."
— C.S. Lewis
A man's steps are directed by the Lord, how then can anyone understand his own way? Proverbs 20:24
"I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."
"Then it was you who wounded Aravis?"
"It was I."
"But what for?"
"Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own."
(The horse and his boy, CS Lewis)
The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord. Proverbs 16:33
Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight,
At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more,
When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death,
And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.
(The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by CS Lewis)
The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. Proverbs 15:3
On May 11, Micah, my eight year old, slipped and fell from the top of a small waterfall. The height from the top of the falls to the rock below is about 12 feet. A tree had providentially fallen in the middle of the drop and broke Micah's fall.
The picture directly above, is where I sat with Samuel in a carrier on my chest, with Benjamin eating his snack. I watched the boys as they climbed to the creek. Things were going just as I planned.
Then I saw Micah following my oldest son to the top left of the falls. I quickly called them down. Next thing I knew they were up on the right side of the falls. Once again, I called them down.
That's when I heard a scream.
Micah was laying, completely still, eyes closed, at the bottom of the falls. I've never, never, never felt so horrified in my life. It was like I had entered a dream world, yet not a dream, a nightmare. I had the sense to immediately call 911. I intermittently talked with the operator and prayed and screamed. She kept telling me she couldn't understand me. I felt out of control and out of my mind.
The young man we saw at the start of the trail, about a 10 minute walk away, came running. He had heard me screaming. He dashed down the ravine to Micah. I had been standing their helpless with Samuel and Benjamin, unable to leave them to get to Micah.
Within a few minutes I heard the most precious sound.
Micah began to cry.
I got off the phone with the 911 operator. The young man was talking to them at Micah's side.
I fell to my knees and prayed, begged, pleaded for Micah's life.
God was gracious. Paramedics came and Micah was flown by helicopter to Scottish Right Hospital. After X-rays and a CT-scan, the only injury that was found was a gash in the back of his head. He was released from the hospital within a few hours.
It took me about three days to recover emotionally from this event. I spiraled into a world of self-hatred and despair. I felt incompetent as a mother. Now that the torrent of those negative emotions have passed I've been able to contemplate what happened with a sane mind. I've asked God to teach me what he wants me to learn.
I would say that what is resounding most in my mind is that I need to live in community. My tendency is to operate completely on my own. As much as I desire to have friends and live life with others, I'm afraid of it. I had actually thought to call a friend to see if anyone wanted to come with us to the park this day. But quickly thought, "no, no one else will want to come."
I learned that I cannot do the kind of adventures I used to be able to do. I have two babies now. Safety is a precious thing, and I am asking God for wisdom and discernment as to what I can and cannot do to ensure my boy's well-being.
As I walked the halls of the children's hospital, I felt an overwhelming compassion for the other parents I saw there. I felt a desire to minister to them and comfort them, pray for them.
Thankfulness. I felt so thankful for the doctors and nurses that tended to Micah. I lean towards natural medicine and try to avoid modern medicine. I gained a whole new sense of appreciation for the medical advancements that we enjoy today.
I was also filled with gratefulness for the fire-fighters who came to help Micah. That I can call 911 and all these big, strong men could come and help my son in the woods, is just amazing. Had that happened somewhere like Africa, we would have been on our own. We are truly blessed.
I was also so thankful for my friends from church, Harbins Community Baptist, that came to my aid during this time. My husband was in Las Vegas, Nevada on a business trip when Micah fell. If I ever needed help this was the time! And every need was met. Thank you Dana, Marietta, Daphne, Cary, Pastor Steve, Heather, Mark, and anyone else who helped!