Friday, June 26, 2009

It's been 3 1/2 weeks!

Isn't he beautiful! When I was pregnant with Benjamin, pretty much the entire 9 months I wondered if I would really have a baby. Having had 2 miscarriages previously it was nothing short of a miracle to me, to actually give birth to a living baby! I didn't really prepare mentally for the task of taking care of a baby, I just held my breath until I would actually hold him in my arms. So, needless to say, wow, I forgot how much work it is to care for a newborn! Today I felt like a mack truck hit me, I was so tired. I've been short tempered with the boys, shouting at them rather than parenting them with love and patience.

Yesterday, I shouted at Micah and Andrew for them to GET IN THEIR seats and get buckled. I was hurrying out the door to pick up Isaac from a wood working class, and I was late. (turns out I had the times wrong and I ended up being 30 minutes early...ugh) After we had been driving about 15 minutes I told Micah, remember when you and Andrew were getting in your seats and... at this point he cut me off and said, "You want me to forgive you for yelling at me?" I said, "How did you know?" He said, "I can read your mind!" So I asked him to forgive me and he said he would. Then I told him, "When I start to yell at you, please say to me, 'Mommy, remember you don't want to shout at us?'" He seemed to like this idea, and I think it will help me snap out of it. I just hate being so irritable. I want to be peaceful and serene with my kids and I hate that they have such a lion for a mom sometimes.

Okay, but at any rate, even with having a newborn be much harder than I remember, I do daily look down at Benjamin and think about how blessed we are to have another child. He is so precious and I'm so thankful for him. I marvel at his little hands, feet, arms, every part of him! I know it is a little soon to be thinking about this, but I do hope we get to have more children!

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