Well, Steve has been in Liberia for a week now. He left last Saturday. I'm so curious to know how all this will turn out! So far, it doesn't appear that any progress has been made or that I know anything more about when our kids will come home than I did 2 weeks ago. Although I know God is working behind the scenes in ways I can't see.
Steve had the honor of meeting Liberia's Vice President, Honorable Joseph N. Boakai. Here is a link to his biography at the Liberia Mansion's Website: http://www.emansion.gov.lr/content.php?sub=Biography&related=The%20Vice%20President.
He actually went to his home! When Steve first got to Liberia I felt so anxious and cynical feeling like nothing was going to happen and very negative towards God. Fairly quickly I was convicted of my sinful attitude. I realized that when I feel cynical and negative I'm saying, "God your not good. You can't be trusted. I know better and if you'd just put me in charge I'd take care of these kids." How terrible! When God showed me the reality of my attitude I was horrified! And I realize that God is so much better and bigger than I am and he has a GOOD plan!
So I began to be able to pray with clarity and hope and freedom. I began to commit the outcome of Steve's days to God. The outcome of meetings, etc. It is very common for meetings to be canceled/rescheduled. The first night I just let go and said, God be glorified in all that happens tomorrow. I pray that you would make those meetings occur if it is your will. And each and every meeting happened!
Than, the biggest meeting of all, the possible meeting with the Vice President I kept telling Steve, if it is meant to be, God will make a way for you to meet with him. I committed it to prayer and God's peace reigned in my heart about it. I knew Steve would meet with the Vice President if that was God's will. Nothing is too hard for Him! So, it was so neat that Steve did meet with him, in his own home of all places! What an honor!
I'm not sure how God will use that meeting but I'm sure he will. I know God loves Gidstina and Serena and Gideon so much and he is going to provide for them. All I can do in this situation is say, "Lord, I'm here, I'm willing, do what you want to do. I'll love these kids from afar, and pray for them. I'll love on them here and give them lots of hugs and kisses every day if that is what you want. I'm your servant."
I just have so much peace about it. I won't be surprised if a miracle happens and the President reverses the ban on current adoptions! At first I wasn't sure how to pray. Do I pray just simply, "Lord your will be done." Or do I pray for one outcome or the other. I have felt a strong urge and go ahead to pray that God would make a way for them to come home with Steve. So we will see what happens!
On another note, it has been a week having my husband gone and me doing everything here at home by myself. Unfortunately, this pregnancy has made it painful to walk or otherwise move my legs. It literally hurts to lift a leg up to put on my pants, or to cross my legs, etc. It is crazy! I feel like a weakling! But God has been so good to me! I've had two friends so far bring me meals and I had already made about 7 meals and froze them. We spent one day at the Chattanooga Aquarium (I'll post pictures later). So many people at church have offered to help if I need anything. I've just felt so loved and supported!
Typically, when Steve is out of town I feel scared at night. It has been so strange that Steve is now half way across the world and I haven't felt scared even one night. It's weird, but I just feel God's presence in such a strong way, like enveloped by Him. A very good feeling! :)
So, basically I plan out what we are going to eat each day which helps to have a plan for that. And I plan out what we are going to do. Each afternoon from about 2 to 4 we have a quiet time where the boys play separately in their rooms. I have been making myself rest during that time and even go to sleep if I can. That helps me get through dinner/bedtime. After rest time they'll do something until dinner around 5 or 6. Than bath and bed at 7. So with the early bedtime and the rest time in the afternoon it makes this very doable for me.
I've been thinking I'd like something special to do with Isaac, my 10 year old. Something that would be good bonding time. Any ideas? He loves science and so do I so I may go do some Internet searching for some cool science kits that we could do together in the evenings.
Oh, another thing that has happened over the past week is I spent the first 3 days or so being really convicted over how ugly I was being with the boys, particularly Isaac. Isaac tends to argue quite a bit among other things that really push my buttons. He has more responsibility as well in the house, and chores and things that I have to check. Hey typically doesn't get his chores done on time in the morning and it isn't uncommon for them to not be done correctly. He is usually slow with accomplishing just about any task he is supposed to do. All this adds up to a lot of necessary correction and discipline. So it is easy to fall into constantly correcting him and my attitude being irritated that I'm having to correct him so much.
So I've been really praying that God would help me with my attitude towards him. That I would use a softer tone of voice, not yell or lose my cool, and show more affection. I've really seen a change in my attitude. Not just with Isaac but with Micah too. It has been really cool. I feel myself starting to get heated and my voice start to rise and all of a sudden I'll recognize it in the moment and tone it down and do the right thing! It has been neat to experience these little victories! I truly want to be kind, loving, gentle and firm with my boys. I want them to remember me as a gentle mother. Not an angry bear of a mom! It is tough with boys that are so roudy and active and strong-willed but I know that God can enable me to be a gentle and loving and firm mom to them.
Okay, this post is so long! Hopefully I'll have a chance to post again with pictures from the aquarium soon....